The Blog Stops Here.

New York City.
The Big Apple.
Where the streets are paved with gold.
The city so great they named it twice.
New York, New York.
Where Trust is nothing more than the name on a bank.
If you can make it here, you'll make it anywhere,
Home sweet home.

The Blog Stops Here.  This is where it all began some ten months ago.   A left turn here, a right turn there, a change of plans here, a twist of fate there.  A journey with a mind of its own and I was its cowboy.  We've come full circle now, yet a world of experience has entered my universe.  And as this whirlwind of experience attempts to settle & fade, I can't help but catch glimpses of the people & places.  The cities of Taipei, Hong Kong, Saigon and Beijing.  The foods of Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia and Vietnam.  Angkor Wat, the Great Wall of China, the Himalayas, the Vin Moc Tunnels in central Vietnam, the ruined cities in Cambodia, Sri Lanka's beaches, and the ancient cities of Amman, Chiang Mai, Hoi An, Dali, Tainan,  Jerusalem and Delhi.  The architectures.  The colors. The flavors.  The cultures.  So much did each contribute.  I am forever grateful for this gift of a lifetime.

Hey what do you know? The Yanks are on...

China: Because Once just isn't Enough!

The Great Wall

Two months into China and I'm done with atheism because if the Chinese ever take over, God help us.  It's my duty to warn the tourist-going public that the heathens are a tough crowd en masse.  They like to yell, they like to spit, they mob exits & they cut queues. Their ability to rile nerves: second to none.  They've little concept of personal space & they've too little common sense.  My question, if there is one, is why, after 10,000 years of civilization, have they not yet figured out some basics of common social norm.  For if they had, one needn't fight one's way off a subway while the crowd pushes in first.  But this is merely an attempt to tame a chaotic experience with reason and is better left undone. Speaking of which: you don't put corn on pizza!  But China has her own way about her.

Situated on the Yangtze River Delta, Shanghai is the largest city-proper in the world. And like Hong Kong, Shanghai was built off European opium trade.  Today, it is the showpiece of a booming China.  The British arrived in 1842.  The French got here in 1847.  The Japanese came in 1895.  In 2011, I decided it was my turn.  Rich in structure & architecture, the art-deco French Concession on the Bund, the ultra-modern shopping arcades, the world-class history museums, the state-of-the-art skyscrapers towering over Pudong, the large & floral People's parks, the super high-end Mag-Lev rocket-rail transport system, and the bountiful plethora of supreme Shanghainese foods are all unforgettable! And just as in the days of old, the women will try to rob you, the men will try to cheat you, and the city will do all in its power to challenge you. Visitors who are less than savvy are sure to be "Shanghai'd" in this long-venerated metropolis where the ruthless thrive off the naive.

The military, political, educational, economic, cultural & historical capital of Big Mother China is Beijing.  It has a freakishly long history of being defeated & dominated by an endless line of dynasties throughout its ages.  Beijing has been ruled by the Tang, the Zhou, the Song, the Liao, the Shun, the Jin, the Yuan, the Qing, the Mongols, the Manchus, the Ming, you get the point... Today, it is the People's Republic of China.

Ideal for sightseeing & adventure, Tienamen Square is the largest city square in the world & the site of two pro-democracy movements.  The Forbidden City, the old Imperial Palace and home of the Emperors for more than 500 years, was built in 1406 by 1,000,000 men and houses 8707 rooms in 980 buildings... it deserves a day.  True enough, these Chinese guys have been building gigantic walls since the 8th century B.C., but the creme de la creme of all great Chinese walls is the Great Wall of China, a 4000-mile stone fortification built to protect its northern border against intrusion hundreds of years before baby Jesus.  It, too, deserves a day and makes for a strenuous yet pleasant afternoon outing in the cloudy mountains.

Hutong are clumps of narrow alleys connected.  They are the neighborhoods of Beijing. They run east-west and face south.  They are legacy from Genghis Khan when he conquered and leveled the city in 1215.  They are a real China experience.  They deserve a day.  But get here soon because they are being demolished to make way for boulevards & buildings. It's the beauty of progress and you can see it in the air!

Back to the Future

I attest that being in Hong Kong this time around feels hella better than last.  Perhaps it's the nostalgia of revisiting a familiar place that feels welcoming?  Or possibly it's the joy of respite from the grit & chaos of Southeast Asia that feels endearing.  Or maybe I'm primed & overdue for the modern day world of a modern day city.  Whatever the case, I'll relish in the comforts of first world environs.  I'll dwell amongst the absence of horns. I'll gulp lungs full of fresh air.  And I'll adore the liberty of being ignored.

Hong Kong is THE futuristic city.  With miles of elevated catwalks, wacky-looking mirror-plated skyscrapers, double-decker buses, pristine MRT subway systems, polished streets, neon, glitz, glamour & shine, it is a far cry from the likes of Hanoi, Phnom Penh, Bangkok and Saigon.  I have come BACK TO THE FUTURE!  And right now it feels good.

The skyline: ridiculous.  The foods: fantastic.  And after six strict straight weeks of eating vegetarian in India, I will proudly go to Hong Kong and indulge in the non-vegetarian dishes that make Chinese cities great.  Chicken, pork and beef oh my. Yes. I'll have some. Thank you.

Ah yes, it's a pleasure being back in Hong Kong.  And although this visit will be short lived, it feels rewarding & enjoyable.  I'll secure an entry-visa to mainland China, take a day-trip to the Portuguese port of Macau, and spend the weekend exploring, wandering, meandering and sightseeing.  Something tells me that post-travel life is gonna be harder than this. 

The Holy City India Tour

Taj Mahal  Est.1632

I expect India to require all of my travel experience and expertise to cope.  The place is massive, it's spread out, there's a lot to see & do, and it demands time.  It will be hot, it will be sweaty, it will be work, it might be tough, it could get difficult, you will get sick, you may feel rough, you may lose your bags, and you might get scammed.  Great. I'm all in!

As far as I see it, there're many ways to skin this cat.  I've opted for sensibility & efficiency. I've been on the road for nearly nine months and I'm dreary.  I'm gonna empty the tank visiting only the greatest places India has to offer; in my opinion, the Holy Cities.

Heat, hot & more heat, we traveled via night bus from Delhi to Pushkar, the holy city of the Rajasthan Desert, where all plastic refuse goes to die.  Home to enormous ghats (religious bathing pools), Brahmin (the priest class), and temples (houses of worship), Pushkar, with all of it's hashish growers, colorful architecture, cheap foods, and nature trails is an interesting, ancient and abnormal place to be.  Monkeys swing from the powerlines hurling feces at passers-by.  Goats, sheep, dogs and boar run amok.  So do limbless beggars. Camels wander the streets unattended.  And the bulls are on parade. It is wildly reminiscient of bad acid flashbacks from a younger year.  Yet, atop all of this, Pushkar offers insanely surreal sunsets over Pakistan, gloriously colorful sarris, spiritual mysticism and a look into the eye of the soul of Hinduism.

From Pushkar to Uttaranchal, the next stop is Rishikesh- an ancient & holy spiritual city at the base of the Himalayan mountain range on the banks of the Ganges River northwest of Nepal.  The birthplace of Osho & Yoga, Rishikesh is home to countless ashrams and is quaint, quieter and cooler than the Indian lowlands.  Many westerners come here seeking to gain their spiritual fix, and as a result, spirituality is for sale here with its "Om" t-shirts, yoga schools, alternative medicine books, transcendental courses and meditation retreats.  The Rishikesh Hindi hold a nightly puja, sending flowers and candles down the icy cold waters of the Ganges in the direction of Varanasi (the holy city where all corpses go to die); it's an awesome sight!  The hiking in the area is superb, the vibe is relaxed, and all feels peacefully mellow.

Further afield, a quick visit is paid to Amritsar, the holy city of the Pashtun region up on the Pakistan border.  It is home to the Golden Temple and the nightly India-Pakistan border showdown.  I thought this could be worthy of a layover.  It was.

In a most valiant attempt to escape the oppressive, brutal & relentless heat, I've bee-lined for Dharamsala.  It's all monks, nuns & tourists up here.  The air is cleaner, the nature expands, and things get even more relaxed.  Yet Dharamsala is very important to the Holy City tour as it's the base of operations for the Tibetan Government in Exile and home to the world's most famous refugee, the Dalai Lama. Upper Dharamsala, or McLeod Ganj, is the spiritual center of exiled Tibetan Buddhism while the Dalai Lama is Tibet's spiritual savior, superhero, political leader and living Buddha all rolled into one.  I have to give a big-ups shout-out & 'respect yourself' to India, for with all of it's problems of poverty, overpopulation & a lack of resources, it has allowed thousands of ex-political prisoners and Tibetan refugees to seek asylum in it's hills despite China's condemnation.  The hardest part about coming to Dharamsala is leaving Dharamsala.  I have spent a month here and it's been comfortable.

But the show must go on and the final piece in our Holy City Tour (for what has been the northwest section of India) could be none other than the Taj Mahal. Three by hours train to the southeast of Delhi, Agra is home to one of the most remarkable manmade architectural triumphs in history.  The feeling of the Taj Mahal's presence is unforgetable.  Reminiscent of the Sistine Chapel or Washington D.C.'s marble grandeur, I consider the journey to have been worthwhile despite the 120 degree heat. From here, we'll return to Delhi and fly to Hong Kong.  Again. 

Holy Cow!

The Streets of Delhi

I cannot recommend India to amateurs or anybody with a compromised immune system. It's a very unforgiving place.  One wrong move and you can lose EVERYTHING.  One wrong ice cube and you'll wish you never came.  Home to the most beautiful and promising sights, sounds and smells lies the most horrid and horrendous sights, sounds and smells in the known universe.  It is full sensory overload.  It is the good, the bad & the ugly.  It is India.  It is a nation that dares to be different.  It is a world where scary airplane landings are applauded.  A world where passengers tackle each other in a scrum at the door while the plane's still moving.  It is in this world that I decide to get off last. And, much like the tunnel we experience at the moment of death, our exit ramp goes steeper and steeper, forcing us deeper and faster into India; Delhi to be exact.  Good Lord.

It is the filthiest place you can never imagine; a wild combination of piss & shit with phlegm and flies and earth under massive piles of garbage surrounded by hot, sweaty and dirty crowds.  The honking and begging never ceases.  And 48 degree Celsius temperatures just seem to wreak havoc on all of it.  Or so that is my opinion.  The locals know the rolling cramps as a "No shower, full power, 24-hour" stomach ailment.  The world refers to it as the Delhi Belly. Whatever you choose to name it, it cripples even those with a steel gut, and it comes for free with every visit.

Oh, the romantic symphony of chaotic horns; the deep blasts, the high-pitched beeps, staccato honks, the fog horns and the musical notes, you'd think Delhi is blind and driving by sound.  Here, the pecking order is as follows: Pedestrians yield to bikes, bikes yield to rickshaws, rickshaws to tuk-tuks, tuk-tuks to cars, cars to trucks and buses, and everything yields to the King of the Road,  The Holy Cow.

Ah yes, the Holy Cow- the source of all of their problems.  Patties large and small melt and bake in the heat and sun as flies fester and spread shit to the kitchens and tables of all who will dine while in India.  If Karma is the result of action, then it is their karma to be sick forever.  People toss trash on the ground as if it'll magically grow into fruit trees.

Delhi is a series of 8 cities that have been ruled and ruined by sultans, slave dynasties, horse traders, Mogul Kings, and of course the British Raj.  It is decrepit and worn down by centuries of invasion.  Delhi is victim to plundering, squandering, depletion and desertification.  It has been lain to ruins ten times in its history; the streets last ran with blood in 1947 and 1983.  Major underemployment, the lingering caste system, the legacy of British Imperialism, and a lack of education, resources & infrastructure have led me to make attempts to avoid Delhi like the plague that it is...

Here, O Israel

Temple Mount's "Dome of the Rock" above the Kotel, Jerusalem

Jerusalem, once hometown to prophets and Kings, has evolved into a modern day freak show.  Roiled by bitter conflict for more than 3 millennia, it's the focal point & ground zero for bad religion.  You've got ultra-orthodox Jews, Christians from all denominations, Muslim missionaries, pilgrims, mystics, tourists and raving lunatics all mixed together with their spiritual baggage in tow.  Loads of brainwashed simpletons dressed in costume come to Jerusalem to spread the "good word of God" while the Israeli Defense Forces stand ready to keep these Men of Love and Peace from killing each other.  And although I deem this place a festival of ignorance, paying homage to its majestic religious sites feels enriching; it's the wild cultural diversity that is Jerusalem's lifeline.

Jerusalem is built to last, they just don't make 'em like they used to.  The first time I laid my eyes on the Wailing Wall I cried.  Forever a photo of a place far away, the chance to know it is indescribable.  At 11 million, the Jews are but a tiny fraction of the global community yet the whole world knows them.  They are the Lions of Zion.  They have averted extinction more times than the Yanks have won the pennant.  Every nation that has set out to destroy the Jews, be it Ancient Egypt, the Philistines, the Assyrian Empire, the Babylonian Empire, the Persian Empire, the Greek Empire, the Roman Empire, the Ottoman Empire, the Byzantine Empire, the Crusaders, the Spanish Empire, Nazi Germany, & the Soviet Union, have all been eradicated.  Is Iran next?

Being Jewish is exclusive.  Recognized only as someone born of a Jewish mother, there are only a finite number of Jews in the world and all are a spark of the soul who were present when Hashem gave the Torah to Moses at Mount Sinai.  Today, as I stand in awe of the Western Wall, (the 2,500 year old ruined remnants of the Second Temple built by King David's son, Solomon,  and gutted by the Romans), a massive Torah has been unveiled from its cloak and is carried around like a rugby trophy.  Everyone comes to touch & kiss it.  The Jewish Holy Bible is in the middle of a mosh-pit.  This place embodies the spirit of the Jewish people and their spirit is strong, alive and well.  It's powerful to see. 

The Middle East; Welcome to it!

Downtown Amman,  Jordan

At the Oman border crossing, fat barrels of machine guns peak over sandbags while signs in Arabic read, "Welcome to Oman."  It's very clean, very Muslim and very ready for a contagion of revolution. Very illegal to snap shots of Oman's government's militia's prearations to repel dissent.  But allow me to assure you the tanks are in the streets, armed, loaded and passively awaiting those who will fight for their right to party. 

Jordan: Very old.  Very Interesting.  Relatively inexpensive.   Relatively quiet.   And with the exception of one late-night taxi ride, relatively safe.  But unamusing is the way life goes from being perfectly normal to totally fucked up before you can say,  "What's going on?"  The ol' Filipino-style 'switch-the-cabbie' scam had me in a sudden & vulnerable kidnap scenario.

As my driver took me down a dark alley and walked away without taking payment, a new driver jumps in, floors the accelerator and has me in the neighborhoods of downtown Amman you'd rather never see. As I advise him of my requested destination, he warns me, "Welcome to Jordan."  Holy shit!  I need out of this bad dream right now.  To dive out the back door- impossible; it's child-locked from the inside.  My bags are in the trunk.  The drama ended at a slightly up-market business hotel whose commission to the driver was sure to bring in late-night guests.   Fortunately, they didn't play kill-the-infidel.  As my blood pressure descended to normal, I realized how lucky I was that I didn't get scragged.

The Gulf, 2011 A.D.

Old Town Dubai

Ahh, the Middle East.  This is where that Garden of Eden place is supposed to be, isn't it?  It appears I may have made a hasty decision by coming here.  Oh the life and times of the Middle East in its present day.

As a U.S. citizen traveling on a U.S. passport, it's best if I skip Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon.  Add to the situation a successful and forceful overthrow of the Egyptian government, street riots in Yemen, major civil unrest in Tunisia and Bahrain, UN-led airstrikes on Libya, rumblings in Saudi Arabia, and fresh terror attacks by Hamas, Fatah and Hezbollah in the Gaza, West Bank, and Israel, and I'd say this is a unique time to be touring the region.  It seems that more tactical planning may be necessary to avoid complete & total bodily harm.

The United Arab Emirates is safe, clean, organzied, full of nationals from the world around, and very Arabic.  Women wear black drapes and burkahs with eyeslits despite the 140 degree desert heat.  Men wear white.  As a tourist on a tourist visa, it's extremely important to know your place in society.  You are a guest in their country and expected to follow the rules.  Take no photos of the women.  On second thought, don't make any idle chit-chat or small talk with them for any reason.  Ya know what, best not even to glance their way lest you desire a personalized fatwa.  This is the land of Shria law; women are covered from head to toe, men walk the streets holding hands, and homosexuality is illegal with death by stoning as decree.  All of this I do not understand, just to observe- it's all been going on like this long before I came.

Dubai: Civilization here dates back over 5000 years.  From 3000 B.C. the highly populated Old Dubai area was a center of construction, agriculture, crafstmanship and art.  Archaeological finds at Hatta date back to 4000 B.C., and al-Qusais is thought to have been the largest population living in the Gulf.  Dubai was a vital link in the old trade routes between Oman and Iraq during the early days of Islam in the 5th and 6th centuries A.D.

Today there exists a new Dubai.  Oil proceeds and real estate speculation have built and financed a Las Vegas / Disney World atmosphere of odd looking skyscrapers including the Burj Khalifa- the tallest building on Earth.  Ultra-modern hotels like the 7-star Burj al-Arab, indoor ski slopes and ice skating, man-made islands of reclaimed land that can be viewed from outer space, the Dubai Mall (home to the most exclusive retail outlets known to man), and oil shieks who drive around in some of the most expensive vehicles life has to offer.   Yes, it's all good and fun in this desert playland for the rich and infamous.  And currently, it's all under heavy construction and might be for the next 30 or 40 years.  Good things take time but Dubai might look like Hong Kong if these Arabs continue to have their day and way...   

The Unsuspected Detour:

...we interrupt this blogspot to bring you impromptu coverage live from Dubai...

It seems a strange and fateful twist has arisen.  Sri Lankan Airway officials unloaded a bit of surprising news when they informed me that my seat assignment was doled to another as proof of payment was never received despite E-Ticket confirmation.  In another place and time I'd have displayed some concern but I feel I am meant to be cultivating detachment from the peaks and troughs of emotion.  Besides, being able to take an opportunity to choose random flights off the Departure's Board is one of the great privileges of not working- I like not having any plans.  

So, with passport in hand, I view my options for today's departures out of Colombo International: Kuwait...Baghdad...Tehran...Riyadh...Doha...(that's in Qatar I think??)...Dubai...London...Kuala Lumpur...

Dubai!! I've heard a lot about this place.  Man-made islands, mega-malls, indoor-skiing, the Middle East; I've never been to the Middle East.  I think it could be worthy of a visit. A quick inquiry at the service desk and a few keystrokes by the attendant has me opting for a window seat; I wanna see what this place looks like as we come in.  The Dubai Outbound Flight 651 on Emirates leaves in two hours.  I better grab a guidebook.

Emirates' in-flight service: fantastic!  The meal and complimentary liquor selection: commendable.  A few bourbons down and I'm feeling relaxed as I start gaining doubts about such a rogue decision.  I anticipated bedding down in India when I awoke this morning.  That's not happening anymore.

Upon descent the enormous immensity of the desert unveils itself.  Holy Shizzle!  We're really here.  The United Arab Emirates sitting atop its massive oil reserves.  This is all starting to feel very real.  I'd better shake off the bourbons and collect my wits.  I'll take a turkish coffee now please.  I suspect the Mid-East will be a whole 'nother ball of wax from easy Asia.  Different people, different architecture, different foods, alphabet, religion, history, customs and mindset.  It's a giant shake-up of last-minute proportions. Was this decision sane?

Sri Lanka

What do I think of Sri Lanka?  I'll try not to.  I don't know what I expected from Sri Lanka but this ain't it.  I have been thrown for a loop and humbled from thinking travel is a pony ride in May.  Testament to the resilliance of life is that anything here survives beyond infancy.  Yet despite all the carnage and despair, the locals are pleasantly friendly, smiley, and keen to show genuine interest in your personal story.  But I require a new and greater level of acclimation and adjustment as Sri Lanka is crustier than any of the countries I've been to thus far.  Breathing the air through anything short of a surgical mask can be hazardous.  I don't imagine India being worse but I'm about to find out.  Sri Lanka is the launch pad into India.  I suspect I may be jumping from the fryer to the fire. 

In Colombo, the Cricket World Cup is being hosted.  And as a result, the Sri Lankan Armed Forces are out in full gear trotting & strapped with Russian firepower.  It's their Cricket World Cup message: "Watch the test, then go home quietly!"  I find Colombo to be frightening.  The locals assure me the situation in Sri Lanka is well improved since the cessation of the Tamil Insurgencies.  My imagination lacks ability to envision what could have been before.  Concrete bunker rubble homes and shack-roofs' twisted metal are the choicest dwellings in this town.  Village after village looks like they've been bombed.  Heavy, major floodings in the southeast and a zillion un-detonated landmines in the northern hills make tactical planning an urgent priority.  We can't go there and we won't stay here!  

I've opted for Kandy, a city up in the central highlands where temperatures are friendlier and the air a bit more 'see-through.'  By bus, the trip takes 3 hours and costs 65 cents.  But neither the bus's dash-mounted Satya Sai Baba snow dome nor the blue plastic Ganesha elephant god bouncing on a spring carried enough Shiva power to haul us up into the hills.  We quit and broke roadside.  It was the little bus that couldn't.  But I've got a good feeling about the new bus.  Rigged with golden Buddhas whose tiny lights blink and flash when we brake, they keep me relaxed as we speed our luggage-laden, rooftop-heavy, hoopty of a bus up nasty, hairy, & curvy mountain roads all inches from stupidly steep drops.  A disaster in the making?   It wouldn't be the first time a bus tumble & crush made headlines here.  I'll stay attentive to the blinking Buddhas, they're helping me. 

Kandy has culture.  Home to fire walking, local music, dance and dress, it's a great place to take in some Sri Lankan arts.  But to be fair, Kandy is loud, filthy and aesthetically unpleasing.  I need something, anything else.  Strike two!!

Time out!  Hold the phone!  What?  Take the noose off, this priosner has just been pardoned.  Huh?  Don't write off Sri Lanka just yet because the beaches here rival the best coastlines in Australia and Hawaii.  Fully recovered from the 2006 Boxing Day Tsunami, the beaches are long, white, and immaculate with crystal-clear, warm, & glassy turquoise waters on the doorstep of the Maldives.  Oh my, do I feel a sense of rebirth to have landed here, this place is phenomenal.  This is just what the doctor ordered.  It's been ten weeks since I've had my feet in the sea.  Ahh, am I ever in the mood to sun, sand & surf after all the noise and pollution that is Colombo, Kuala Lumpur and Bangkok.  This is the ticket!  At home at last.  I think I fancy some fresh pineapple.  I might even read another book.  Yeah, we're staying right here in Eden's garden until D-day to India.  Third time's a charm...

Travel on My Wayward Son

Singapore Chinatown has Dim Sum 

As I suddenly find myself eating an unexpected yet savory dim-sum in Singapore, a question begging an answer arises; How did everything come to this?  Not that I don't approve of dim-sum, it's just that Singapore and Malaysia were a never a thought in the plan.  But I digress.  The original blue-print for this journey was to explore Taiwan, visit Hong Kong, and take adventures through VietNam.  The alternate plan: fall back on Chiang Mai if all else falls. 

Aside from an unexpected month in China, another in Cambodia, and a few weeks along the Mekong in Laos, I'd say all went well and to plan.  But as six-months travel pass under my feet, my options become clear: Go home and work, go to Japan and work, or keep on truckin'.  Instinct & desires compell me to travel further...  "But to where?", I ask the little voice inside my head, "Where do we go now?"  The response is clear;  "You must pilgrim through the oldest and most populous nation on Earth.  The ancicent civilization of India.  The timing is right.  The season is right.  The location is right.  The price is right.  It's now or never.  Carry on my Wayward Son, go on and get some!"  So, like playing a little unexpected 10th-inning baseball, the game is tied and about to get exciting.  We didn't order this but we'll take it. 

I have purchased a direct flight from Kuala Lumpur to Sri Lanka for a ten-day vacation there before I delve into the South of India for six weeks.  Hence, a jaunt from Thailand to India has given birth to some unforseen extra bonus travel in Malaysia, plus a side-trip to Singapore just because, and to Sri Lanka as a 'pre-India' warm-up.  It's icing on the cake; above and beyond the original deal. 

From here on out, all bets are off.  My plan is out the window.  I have done what I have set out to do and I don't know what will happen a day from now.  We're flying blind, but with the wind.  All I can do is jump into the saddle and live life moment to moment on this one.  Time, money and health will dictate what happens from here on out.  I'll keep you posted as reality unfolds itslef.

Batter Up.... Let's play some ball!!

Singapore is a FINE City

The proverbial "they" say that Singapore is a fine city.  Well I suppose "they're" right.  $200 for spitting,  $50 for chewing gum, $100 for urinating in an elevator shaft, 10 years for unwanted sex, 6 cane lashes for vandalism, and death for the possession of drugs.  But in all reality, Singapore is a fine city.  It is remarkably clean, disturbingly orderly and extremely calm in relation to its neighboring countries where chaos and mayhem run supreme.  Singapore makes for a nice getaway and a quiet time-out from the hustle and bustle that is the rest of Asia. 

The last time I had the opportunity to visit Singapore was five years ago and I had my way with it!  I tried everything: the Riverboat cruises, the Night Safari, the Sentosa Cable Car, the Singapore Sling on the 70th floor during sunset, the Shisha Bar on the River's Quay, some steamed frogs at the Hawker Stalls, and even a few Aikido classes with Hachi-dan instructor Francis Chong, Sensei at the Singapore Aikido dojo.  It was a grand visit I do recall.

Now as I unexpectedly find myself in Singapore's vicinity, a desire has come upon me and I've decided to heed.  I feel the sudden urge to revisit this jungle-island city-nation once again, only this time, it should be a quick "in-and-out" mission.  Some things have changed since the last time; it's more expensive now.  Some things have remained the same; it's so bloody hot here.

But Singapore is a world-class food orgy for those who know where to look.  Today I have opted for some Hong Kong-style Sharkfin Dim Sum in the Chinatown, a gourmet ice cream sundae on Orchard Boulevard, a french latte in the downtown business district, a Malaysian hotpot uptown, and some Rotti Murtabah on Arab Street dining mosque side in the Indian Quarter.  An aimless wander here, a little look-see there and all is considered rather pleasant.  Simple, effective and affordable, it was a delightful way to spend a day or two during an economic recession.

Welcome to Malaysia

If you try to import drugs into Malaysia, they will put you down and they say so at the door. They do not want them in their borders and a failed attempt pretty much guarantees that you will spend the rest of your very short life in their country. I believe you get a trial but it's more of a formality than an opportunity to plead your case. Beyond this, Malaysia is a very good place to visit and play.

Penang: Boy am I glad to be here!  Almost as gung-ho as I felt on that sweaty afternoon in the Bangkok DoDo's.  It was a fifteen-hour train ride from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, a greasy eight hours in Shitty City, followed by a twenty-six hour train ride from the Big Cock to Butterworth, a ferry to Penang Island and a walk to a guesthouse since my last shower or change of clothes.  I feel like a shell of a man who has slept in and worn the same duds since Monday.  I think I'll take two showers, start a bonfire to set my clothing alight and have a nap to get my head straight before I venture off in Little India to try some of these foods I've heard so much about.

Penang's sincere desperation for a facelift and a paint job is exactly what gives this town such tremendous character, flavor and spunk.  I hope the locals continue to let it rot in peace because it's fantastic this way.  The town is a photographers' wet dream.  I'm no photographer but I enjoy taking pictures and in this town, the best approach is to follow in the footsteps of the U.S. Military; shoot everything and sort it all out later.

Built several hundred years ago by the British East India Company, Penang is a potpourri of cultures with numerous World Heritage Buildings as evidence.  Lots of Mosques and old crusty Islamic architecture make up the facade of this food paradise.  Bourdain, you should do an episode here if you haven't yet already.

As for its food culture, Penang is heroic.  Where to start? How about with the foods I am familiar with already: Tandori, Samosas, the seafoods, the curries, mutton rolls, garlic naan, raita, briyani, Nasi Goreng, satay, rotti, mushrooms, peppers, onions, longbeans, Kampung fried rice, potato masala, cumin, corriander, fennugreek, fennel seed, chutney, sambal, mint, lassies, kopi, ghee and Chai.  Now for the new stuff:  Singapore Bee Hoon, Canai Bom, Rawa Yosai, Kothu Parotta, Capati, Boli, Vadai, Nasi Lemak, Uthappam, Aloo, Bihun Soup, Fried Keoy Teow, Chana Bhatura, Idly, Fulka, Chapati and Pasembur.  There simply wasn't enough time to try it all but another visit should remedy that problem. For those of you who enjoy eating quality foods of voracious flavors at peasants' prices, I strongly recommend you make a trip to the island of Penang here in Malaysia.  But leave your drugs at home!

Shitty City - The Big Cock

Affectionately Bangkok

Bangkok: A city with no holds barred.  No matter what ideas you have for an off-track adventure, Bangkok can deliver.  No matter how crazy you think you can get, Bangkok can handle.  This city is waiting, willing and able to fulfill your wildest desires.  No action big or small has ever been too outrageous or too outlandish for this town.  And with that being said, Bangkok is still my least favorite place of all time.

I came here twice in 2006; once to visit and once in transit.  It blew back then and it still blows now.  It's just one of those hubs you must pass through because sometimes there isn't any way of avoiding it.  But life is too short to spend kicking around in this dung-hole. Today my layover is eight hours.  Just long enough to revisit and re-appreciate how lucky I am to spend my days on greener pastures.

I would be slightly remiss if I didn't at least give a proper shout-out to Bangkok's Chinatown. It rivals any Chinatown in the world including the great Chinatowns like San Francisco's Chinatown, the Chinatown in Singapore and Sunset Park's Chinatown in Brooklyn.

Now for the great news: Bangkok offered me an opportunity to indulge in a hot, freshly-brewed cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee!  DoDo's is my bread & butter, my elixir, my fitness health club and my source of vitamins all rolled up into one beautiful wafting scent that strikes my deepest chord.  It's been six months since the last time I approached the service counter and it comes at a most opportune time for this weary traveler.  I felt the tears of joy and sentimentality welling up inside me as I perused all sixty-three varieties. So now I'm sitting and dipping and dunking and lipping and kissing and crying to the effect that all the carnage around me in this disgusting town fell away and I'm in a blueberry field among daisies and sunshine.  But sooner or later the cup runs dry and reality hits you in the face like a welter-weight jab and there you are smack dab in the middle of shitty-city where it's hotter than a witch's brew, louder than the Bronx in October and dirtier than a Cambodian street-mutt.  And it all reeks something fierce. This town is just too fucked for comfort.

Now, if you've never been to Bangkok, try it out, you might dig it.  But there are better places to be.  So at this time, for my last and final act in Thailand, I will boldly attempt to perform my favorite thing in the world: I will get out of Bangkok.  It might be a 22-hour train ride but it beats sticking around these parts.  The next stop will be Penang, an Islamic island off the west side of central Malaysia where the Indian foods are said to be the best in the world.  I will tackle this challenge and go there for an extended weekend to walk around and eat exploratory Muslim cuisine.  I hope I see you there!

Chiang Mai Thailand - Est. 1296 A.D.

Foods Glorious Foods!

The nearly one-month long Thailand experience comes in two great flavors: Part One regards the Ancient City of Chiang Mai, while Part Two tells the tale of an epic journey through the Northern Hills of Thailand.

Part One: Plain Vanilla
Chiang Mai.  Since 1296 A.D.  This ancient city is a fantastic visit if you can get yourself out to this neck of the woods.  Surrounded by a moat and a delapidating wall, it is recognized around the world for its temples, monks, and foods.  Not too big and not too small but just right to keep you busy but not overwhelmed.  There are too many places to eat and hordes of things to buy.  Chiang Mai hosts a Night Market every evening with 'The Saturday Night Market' being the largest and grandest of them all if you're willing to exclude 'The Sunday Night Market' which is just plainly obscene in scale and candor. Winter weather in Chiang Mai is unbeatable and the food scene, well, my tank was always full because we're not talking about regular 'ol plain-jane ordinary foods here... we're talking Thai foods, and authentic Thai foods are arguably the best in Asia.  Chiang Mai remains one of my favorite destinations.

Part Two: Rocky Road
I met a Shaman in Chiang Mai.  He taught me how to "cleanse my karma" and to "see my soul."  He asked me if I knew how to ride a motorbike.  And he wondered if I liked adventures.  I assured him positively on all accounts.  He drew me a map, a detailed, calculated map that plots a 1000 km loop through the mountains of Northwest Thailand using Chiang Mai as base.  This map outlined everything with most sights being completely off the tourists' trail.  The loop will take five days to complete.  The challenge, should I choose to accept, offers stunning waterfalls, caves, canyons, hotsprings, archaelogical sites, hill-tribe villages, rice paddy countrysides, a boat ride to Burma, Hindu, Buddhist and Burmese temples, a trip to the highest point in Thailand, Japanese War Relics, meditation centers, geysers, hermits, National Parks, elephants, and breathtakingly beautiful scenic views along curvy mountain roads with some of the cleanest and freshest air in Asia.  I was hesitant at first but this offer was just too good, too rare, and too precise to pass up.  I decided to go for it albeit solo alone.

He was right!  And he was right on.  His calculations were accurate and correct to the T. The map looked lame and flimsy but within it were all the keys to the hidden treasures that is Northern Thailand.  These are the places the Thais don't know about.  He instructed me on the best ways to do the loop and he laid out some do's and don'ts.  I did some of the things he said to do and I did some of the things he said not to do.  And while it's too much to explain here, in the end, it was a huge success and a major highlight of my runaround thus far.  Yeah, Thailand is still a rich, exotic and mysterious land.

Lots of Laos

That's me, Way up high!!

Travel through Laos is slow, arduous, and tedious.  A four-hour bus ride will depart three hours late, regularly, without exception and without fail.

My first stop was Si Pham Don (Four-thousand Islands).  Rural and natural beauty abound in this southern corner of Laos just across the Mekong from Cambodia.  With no ATM's and very little electricity, those who seek will find excellent bicycle paths, ferocious waterfalls, river-beaches, and copious hiking trails.  This section of the Mekong River is God's gift to pleasure swimming while the sunsets over Cambodia turn epic when paired with hearty "exhales" of the islands' native ganja buds.  Let's call it 'Lao-wee Wowwee.'

Up the river from the islands is Pakse.  It took seven hours to get there, it should've taken two.  But alas, an ATM and some steady electric, Pakse itself is less than exciting; but the countryside around is lush and deserves to be explored.  The waterfalls here are immense and the multitude of coffee farms make for an ideal pick-me-up warm-me-up as you and your motorbike climb the way to the top of the chilly yet choice Bolaven Plateau.  From here, should you desire, you can take a two-day loop out to random hill villages and mountainside retreats.  If you haven't anything to do sometime, allow me to recommend it.

Following the Mekong north again, you reach Savannakhet, a lazy French colonial port town with decent sunsets over the Mekong to Thailand.  I remember feeling very well lounging back riverside with my feet up and my shades down, all the while handling a Beerlao.  Fun Fact: Beerlao is the best beer in Asia and the bottle comes in one size, LARGE.  Drinking fast helps your beer to stay cold.  Similar to Kampot in Cambodia but with less funk, I chose to make a move to Vientiane after a brief but jolly one-night pit stop.

Now if I had a dollar for every Brit who told me to "skip" Vientiane, I could travel forever without work.  They hate on Vientiane because the Communist government's mandatory midnight curfew interferes with their incessant need to get "pissed" every night.  If that's your forte, then Vientiane may not be your best cup of tea, but if you can control yourself and accept reality for five minutes, Vientiane is a lovely place to spend a little time meandering aimlessly.  It's old, quaint, laid back, and it exhibits charm.  Vientiane still retains the aura of a bygone era as if almost in a movie set atmosphere.  It's home to a plethora of French cafe's and bakeries that have made this place a hip little oasis on the banks of the Mekong.  Monks clad in deep orange robes patrol the streets as early as 5 a.m. and there are more Buddhist temples than the day is long.  It is the calmest Asian capital in the league and to "skip" it would be a forfeiture of a worthwhile traveling opportunity.  

Up the River Without a Paddle

What can I say about Laos?

For starters, I'll say about Laos what the United States Central Intelligence Agency government website says about Laos: "The large amount of unexploded ordinance (UXO) leftover from the Indochina War causes more than 300 casualties per year.  UXO contaminates some parts of Sevannakhet, Champassak, Luang Prabang, and Vientiane Provinces.  In addition, there are numerous mine fields leftover from the war along Route 9 and Route 20 to Pakse and Route 7 and Route 3 to VietNam.  Never pick up unknown metal objects and avoid traveling off well used roads, tracks and paths."

The Mekong River

Well slap a weapons manufacturer, isn't that interesting? How could they have possibly known my every anticipated destination?  Every spot I intend to to pass through is listed as a potentially dangerous UXO hotspot.  Perhaps I better bring a helmet.  And a flak-jacket. And some steel-toe boots.  Can this trip up the Mekong really be a good idea? I'm beginning to wonder...

A vacation within a vacation?

Wow! All of this traveling has gotten me feeling primed for a vacation. Not that this holiday hasn't been totally fantastic because it has, and I enjoy leisure traveling as much as the next guy, but now I feel the need to park up, chill out and sit down.  My choice is Chiang Mai, an ancient Buddhist city in the hills of northern Thailand.

Ahh, Chiang Mai, because I love it so much.  It's the perfect answer to the doctor's orders.  After a consultation with a southeast Asia travel map and a chilled Khmer coffee, it appears as if a journey up the Mekong along the Laos side of the river could land me into the promised land two weeks from now.  From there, my only purpose is to relax, recuperate, and enjoy while I contemplate what should take place next.

I could stay in Thailand for a while and that would be fine.  I could go to Japan to work but work can wait for another day; I have more important matters at hand.  I could head for New York City but I find the weather disagreeable at this time.  I suppose I'll keep traveling.  My bags are packed, work is out and I feel good. "Why not?" Exactly.

Land border crossings into Thailand grant fifteen-day entry privileges.  An application at the Thai Consulate in Laos will grant sixty days, with a thirty-day extendable option, all free of charge.  All I have to do is charge my IPOD and get ready to wait in the queue.  For lack of a better option, this is my plan.

CAMBODIA

Kampot Town, Kampot Province, Cambodia

The United Nations rates the countries of the world in terms of GDP, per annum income per capita, depth of infrastructure, quality of education, access to clean water supplies, quality and availability of healthcare, life expectancy, infant mortality rate, corruption, etc.  On this basis, Cambodia is ranked 166 out of 180.

The only thing I knew about Cambodia was that you can get to it from Vietnam. Immediately, you recognize that things here are eerily quiet, slow-paced, dirty and extremely messed up.  Cambodia is one large agrarian countryside of rivers, mountains, rice paddies, livestock, abundant sunshine, thatched huts, and bikes.  Again, it's eerily quiet- as if the Khmer are hiding behind a wall of silence.

The corruption starts from before you get through border control.  "One dollar for the Vietnamese patrol, and one dollar for the Cambodian side.  One dollar more for each if it is Saturday, Sunday or after 6 p.m., this is overtime.  One dollar for a health check (a thermometer in the mouth) and one dollar for your photo being 'not right size.'"

I suspected they might be poor; my suspicions were correct.  But I didn't expect that they'd be reusing-the-straws-at-the-restaurant poor.  Most students I taught had no running water, no flushing toilet, and no hot showers.  Cambodia is dirty.  There is no pavement. The kids' clothes are dirty.  My feet are dirty.  My luggage is dirty.

I felt like a ten-day runaround in Cambodia would suffice, but once inside, I found myself surprisingly enjoying it.  You can swim in the oceans and rivers which are strikingly clean. You can get a $4/hr full-body Japanese-style Shiatsu massage by the blind- I got two.  You can sip on coffees in cafe's run by deaf war casualties.  You can watch dance recitals presented and performed by orphaned children.  You can play soccer, billiards, chess, and putt-putt mini golf.  You can explore the caves in the countryside which are situated in dormant mine-fields.  You can drink palm-wine out of bamboo tubes with Khmer locals while sitting on grass mats, which is all good and fun until you try to stand up.  You can let little nibble-fish nibble dirt and dead skin off your feet in a big street-tank while gulping down the various local Cambodian beers- it feels tickly, (and so do the fish nibbles).  You can have the hair on your back (or your legs) removed by a piece of thread wielded by teenage girls; it hurts yes, but they assure you "no pain, no gain," just wince, grimace and bear it old man.  And the highlight of six months worth of travels was Angkor Wat!;  Home to 1200-year old ruin leftovers from the heyday of the Khmer's once-mighty and dominant empire. Ten days turned into four weeks and four weeks became quite enjoyable.  I really liked Kampot town.

One down, many many to go!

Sunset on the Kampot River

(Kampot is an old French colonial river town that was gutted and razed after a bout with the Khmer Rouge in 1976;  That town looks like how your town would look like after the Khmer Rouge had their way with it.  A very funky place indeed).

WHAT THE PHO?!?!

Scooter Nation!

VietNam Telecom

What has 10,000,000 people, 6,000,000 motorbikes, 1,000,000 cars and a telecom grid designed to frighten the bravest electrical engineers on the planet?

Saigon.

Foolishly, I thought a Carnival in Rio was crazy; or that maddening push through downtown Hong Kong during peak-hour.  But Saigon takes all things to a new and higher level; the bar has just been raised.  It's Hanoi's intensity the size of Bangkok!

With a chaos factor of ten, it makes the New York City rush hour look like the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. It is Ho Chi Minh City and it is alive and well.

It's everything in one.  It's Louie Vitton and Gucci.  It's home to scrummy back-alley food stalls.  It's vibrant colors.  It's loads of small children playing in the streets at midnight. It's vendors selling anything you can imagine and many things you can't.  It's hooting & hollaring, tooting & honking.  It's loud and it's naughty, it's hot & it's sweaty, and sometimes it's rainy. It's hookers and cripples and beggars and businessmen and school kids.  It's smiley faces and it's desperation.  It's university students who want to travel vicariously through us and to try out their English.  It's retail and night markets and cafes and nightclubs.  It's an endless stream of people in every direction taking time to sit, eat, drink and feel merry. It's colonial architecture and French pastries and coffees and breads not alike. It's beautiful noodle dishes and heaps of cheap wares.  It's river boat tours and large parks. It's litter and glitter and ladyboys.  It's "Hello. Where are you going? Motorbike? Massage-ee? Boom-Boom? Marijuana? Cocaine? What are you looking for?"  It's a playground for Australians and Canadians and Europeans and Africans.  It's a city that drinks beer and slurps Pho while sitting on little plastic stools in the street. It's a world-wide destination for people from everywhere; and it's no wonder why.  I submit that Saigon gets my vote, stamp and seal of approval.