Welcome to Malaysia

If you try to import drugs into Malaysia, they will put you down and they say so at the door. They do not want them in their borders and a failed attempt pretty much guarantees that you will spend the rest of your very short life in their country. I believe you get a trial but it's more of a formality than an opportunity to plead your case. Beyond this, Malaysia is a very good place to visit and play.

Penang: Boy am I glad to be here!  Almost as gung-ho as I felt on that sweaty afternoon in the Bangkok DoDo's.  It was a fifteen-hour train ride from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, a greasy eight hours in Shitty City, followed by a twenty-six hour train ride from the Big Cock to Butterworth, a ferry to Penang Island and a walk to a guesthouse since my last shower or change of clothes.  I feel like a shell of a man who has slept in and worn the same duds since Monday.  I think I'll take two showers, start a bonfire to set my clothing alight and have a nap to get my head straight before I venture off in Little India to try some of these foods I've heard so much about.

Penang's sincere desperation for a facelift and a paint job is exactly what gives this town such tremendous character, flavor and spunk.  I hope the locals continue to let it rot in peace because it's fantastic this way.  The town is a photographers' wet dream.  I'm no photographer but I enjoy taking pictures and in this town, the best approach is to follow in the footsteps of the U.S. Military; shoot everything and sort it all out later.

Built several hundred years ago by the British East India Company, Penang is a potpourri of cultures with numerous World Heritage Buildings as evidence.  Lots of Mosques and old crusty Islamic architecture make up the facade of this food paradise.  Bourdain, you should do an episode here if you haven't yet already.

As for its food culture, Penang is heroic.  Where to start? How about with the foods I am familiar with already: Tandori, Samosas, the seafoods, the curries, mutton rolls, garlic naan, raita, briyani, Nasi Goreng, satay, rotti, mushrooms, peppers, onions, longbeans, Kampung fried rice, potato masala, cumin, corriander, fennugreek, fennel seed, chutney, sambal, mint, lassies, kopi, ghee and Chai.  Now for the new stuff:  Singapore Bee Hoon, Canai Bom, Rawa Yosai, Kothu Parotta, Capati, Boli, Vadai, Nasi Lemak, Uthappam, Aloo, Bihun Soup, Fried Keoy Teow, Chana Bhatura, Idly, Fulka, Chapati and Pasembur.  There simply wasn't enough time to try it all but another visit should remedy that problem. For those of you who enjoy eating quality foods of voracious flavors at peasants' prices, I strongly recommend you make a trip to the island of Penang here in Malaysia.  But leave your drugs at home!